Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Trying to overcome to feel "normal"

There are two things I hate the most about my disease.
I hate not knowing how well my body will function from day to day. Never being able to make plans and not panic that I'll be broken down that day. There are only two things in my life right now that I "make myself do" no matter how bad it gets. I go to all my son's baseball games and practices. (now ask me if I've ever had to go to the van and lay down....um yes.) I go to work two days a week for 3-4 hours. (now ask me if this is easy? ask me if I've ever sat down or had to leave early....) You might ask why I force my fibro riddled body to go through that? Well the answer is quite simple really. To feel normal. To have something in my life that I can grasp on to that seems like me. The me that still resides in this broken down body.
The second thing I hate is that nothing I do to feel better works twice or for very long. No medicines no method or theory ever continues to work. I can eat green beans for dinner, take a long hot bath, stay away from caffeine and take two Tylenol pms at 9 and go to bed at 9:15. The next morning I feel like a million bucks. I do the same thing the next night, NOTHING. The doctor gives me a miracle drug,,, it works for a couple months, then nothing....

Yet, even as I face these difficulties, I am reminded that this is my life, my body, my one chance. There are no do-overs in life. I have to make it as beautiful as I can.

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." ~ Ben Okri

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    I know that this blog was created in May and I am just now viewing it.. but I had to comment.Thank you for sharing your stories though the amazing tool of blogging...

    I am a fellow sufferer of this horrible dis-ease called Fibromyalgia. I have had this for 27 years and yet have done so much to fight against it. I refuse to let this take my out or put me in a wheel chair!!! I will continue to fight it all of my days. Yes, I do rest often, eat well, exercise often and take supplements to help. As you said, that there is nothing that totally takes out the pain/fatigue..
    It remains like a shadow to follow you where ever you go... GRRR!!

    I have cleaned houses for the past twenty plus years, had a few businesses, raised four kids to adult hood, and home schooled three of them for 15 years.

    Many have asked my why do I put my self though the pain of cleaning houses... and to that I say that as long as I keep my body active, eat well as I clean... and work on keeping positive...I am pleased with the results that I conquered it for that day and feel more normal, and the family loves the results. Actually, now that my kids are grown and gone, i am back in school and have been for the past year and a half... It's been tough but rewarding!!!

    You cant give in to the constant pain and horrible fatigue.. or it will overtake you.

    Keep blogging as it helps others be more encouraged in their daily struggles.

    I thank God for my strong relationship with Him and the strength that He has imparted to me through out this journey. Be blessed!